Terms of Service

By accessing or using placebo-one.com (the "Site"), you agree to these Terms of Service ("Terms"). If you don't agree, please don't use the Site.

PLACEBO ONE is a satirical, parody brand. Every "formula," "prescription," "indication," "active ingredient," and piece of dosage-style copy on this Site is fictional, written for comedic and artistic purposes, and is not a real pharmaceutical, supplement, or medical treatment of any kind. Nothing on this Site has been evaluated by the FDA or any other regulatory authority, and nothing on this Site constitutes medical advice. Use it for laughs, reflection, and conversation — never for actual medical treatment.

You must be at least 18 years old to use this Site, place an order, or verify your email through The Pharmacist. Some content on this Site includes mature themes, strong language, and adult humor.

Verifying your email through The Pharmacist confirms that you own that email address. It does not verify your identity, age, occupation, or that you are a licensed pharmacist or medical professional of any kind — nothing on this Site should be treated as medical guidance, regardless of how it's presented.

Vicky, the Pharmacist character, is fictional and exists for entertainment only. Nothing she "prescribes" is a real medication, medical diagnosis, or treatment recommendation, and you should consult a real, licensed medical professional for actual medical advice.

Access to The Pharmacist requires an active membership at one of the published tiers ("member prescriptions" or "parody prescriptions" — entertainment content, not real medication). Verifying your email alone does not grant access.

Membership is $9.99 per month. When you subscribe you affirmatively agree to this recurring charge: your payment method is billed $9.99 automatically each month, on the same date, until you cancel — there is no fixed end date. The price and the fact that it renews monthly are shown on the membership page before you pay. Payments are processed securely by Stripe; we never see or store your full card details.

You can cancel anytime, online, in one step from your account page — no phone call or email required, and canceling is as easy as subscribing was. When you cancel, you keep member access through the end of the month you have already paid for and are not charged again; we do not provide prorated refunds for the current month unless required by law.

Product descriptions, "formulas," and pricing are presented for entertainment and, where noted, for real merchandise you can buy. Checkout is processed securely by Stripe; your card is charged when you place your order, and your card details are handled entirely by Stripe and never touch this Site.

For any preorder, we provide a reasonable, visible shipping estimate before you pay. If we can't ship within that estimate (or within 30 days if none is given), you have the right to consent to the delay or cancel for a full refund, consistent with the FTC's rules on mail, internet, and telephone order merchandise.

Formulas you build in the Formula Lab are yours. You keep ownership of the creations you make — the name you coin and the ingredients, dosing, and side effects you put together — and you are free to use, share, publish, or sell them however you like, including commercially. PLACEBO ONE claims no ownership of your Formula Lab creations and takes no cut of anything you earn from them.

Or sell it to us. If you would rather have PLACEBO ONE run with your formula, you can offer it to us — and if we take it and put it on the market, we will pay you 1% of the sales it earns. This is entirely optional: it applies only to a formula you choose to license to PLACEBO ONE and that we agree to take on, and we will confirm the arrangement with you before any royalty is owed.

This applies to your own creations only. It is not permission to sell your formula as a PLACEBO ONE product, or to use the PLACEBO ONE or ACCOUNTABILITOL™ names, the Vicky character, the certificate and share-card design, or any other PLACEBO ONE branding — those remain ours (see “Intellectual Property” below). In short: the formula you made is yours to sell; our brand is not part of the deal.

The PLACEBO ONE name and logo, ACCOUNTABILITOL™, the Vicky character, and PLACEBO ONE’s own formula catalog, artwork, and copy on this Site are the property of PLACEBO ONE (U.S. trademark registration pending) or used with permission, and are protected by trademark and copyright law. You may not copy, reproduce, redistribute, or use them commercially without our written permission. (This covers PLACEBO ONE’s own content and brand — formulas you personally create in the Formula Lab are yours under “Formulas You Create” above.)

You agree not to:

• • Use the Site for any unlawful purpose.
• • Attempt to access accounts, cookies, or systems without authorization.
• • Scrape, copy, or republish the formula catalog in bulk.
• • Impersonate PLACEBO ONE or any real person.
• • Interfere with the Site's normal operation.

The Site and its content are provided "as is," without warranties of any kind, express or implied. We don't guarantee the Site will be uninterrupted, error-free, or secure.

To the maximum extent permitted by law, PLACEBO ONE and its founder(s) are not liable for any indirect, incidental, or consequential damages arising from your use of the Site, even if advised of the possibility of such damages. Our total liability for any claim relating to the Site is limited to the amount you actually paid us in the 12 months before the claim, if any.

You agree to indemnify and hold PLACEBO ONE harmless from any claims, damages, or expenses arising from your misuse of the Site or violation of these Terms.

We may update these Terms from time to time. Continued use of the Site after changes are posted means you accept the updated Terms.

These Terms are governed by the laws of the State of Texas, without regard to its conflict-of-laws principles. Any dispute relating to these Terms or the Site will be brought exclusively in the state or federal courts located in Texas, and you consent to that jurisdiction and venue.

Questions about these Terms? Email support@placebo-one.com.